Challenging & Surrendering Identity To Cultivate Authenticity

I see how myself and a few others have been queued at an energetic standstill- called to leave behind everything that doesn’t work in exchange for what does.

The way we did things up until now got us here, but cannot come with us longer. I see now- in the building up of chaos like steam under a tight seal of old patterns and beliefs was meant to blow it away. And as I rose with its pressure, the last additions of height have me seeing things brand new.

All of the friends I’ve released, things I’ve left, and everything else that’s fallen to the floor along the way all had one thing in common. 

Me, of course.

I knew that. So as I analyzed desperately- seeking meaning in each fallen friend, foe or short romance- knowing I had to be the cause of it- but still didn’t know how.

I’m terrible? I’m hard to be around? Reactive? “Too much”? Or am I these things when I am assumed about and misrepresented?

But now I see, even a little further off in the distance was a bit more people pleasing and masking.

The things I thought I had “worked through” turned out to be triple the size and depth of what I originally perceived. I see now how it’s easy to resent people if you never really engage with them fully, authentically and deeply.

Being authentic is not a choice, though. It’s a practice.
It’s not like- “Oh! I’ll stop hiding!” To rip off a cloak and walk into the world free.

There’s all these neural pathways and survival adaptations built together- creating them. This is why trauma-informedness is important. Imagine how frustrating it would be to go through hell and back again several times, apply yourself, love yourself, do the work, have the profound realizations and then commit to staying deeply present in each moment to engage with life a little more honestly- following what feels like a whisper of truth in every situation. 

To do this all with no choice, patience, diligence, exhaustion and a level of determination that again is not a choice. Often while being isolated, misunderstood and underestimated.

I know this resonates deeply with those who have been through it. The years spent in what felt like trenches while the whole world moved around you- still kicking and screaming in all of its activities, chaos, and delight like a newborn.

I think we’re all out of touch and traumatized. But I think those who have experienced and endured extended physical, emotional, and psychological trauma were at a point forced to stop engaging with society and status quo, altogether.

And once we deal with the frustration, confusion, and isolation- we begin to see peace, truth, and integrity’s seeds budding above the soil in its place.

Then society actually begins to look like the “sick” one.

This is the cliff-notes version of my journey. And what I support others through. Going from confused, burnt-out, tired and isolated to self-connected, efficient, loving, vibrant, curious and energetic.

It has been a journey of nothing short of becoming masterful- which is not to be explained or described but simply enacted, embodied and appreciated on my end.

Should it impact the world for change is up to it and its respective timeline. 

We can’t take responsibility or credit for anyone else’s experience, ever. Nor can we assume it. Which is actually how we get here in the first place. We choose our assignments as we arrive at our earth school and everything is divinely orchestrated but within that- when we hold to things, identify with, attempt to control or forget to consider someone or something- the familiar ache of human suffering breeds quickly in the room- building that same pressure- made to blow off lids. 

I’m inarguably a lid blower. In the lucid moments of authenticity, curiosity and truth I have confronted others with unexpected tributes to their unseen emotions for a very long time. I have been the target, the trigger, but I have also been the recipient of energy that was never mine to carry. This is how we are demanded into presence- should we look to see.

How else do we navigate the hairpin balance of witnessing, engaging and even shielding what is not ours? We can’t without intention, awareness, mindfulness- or our best attempt at it.

Diving into our own depths of self-discovery, soaked in hope, potential, and a little desperation- all the way down.

Realizing in the absence of light- somewhere along the bottom that nothing really matters at all and should we find our way to the shimmering light breaking into the blue oasis above- we will shimmer, too.

We will reconnect with and remember our light, the same light that led us back to the surface- as often as we need to. From there- getting to know ourselves, showing up as ourselves, saying no to things, saying yes to things, staying rooted even during discomfort, and building a life piece by piece of what we truly desire.

It’s not just possible, it’s necessary. And it’s full proof- you just have to surrender a lot. Surrender friction, needing to explain, ways of living, coping habits and even relationships. Surrender everything that wears a mask but really is a false perception of control. Surrender whatever who may think what and keep coming to the felt experience and integrate the wisdom there- traveling within a little the whole way.

Venturing in and out through this dance of life to no particular thing but more a series of feelings. Following “yes” and coming back to ourselves when faced with the persistent whisper of “no”- until we are surrounded by a community, life, environment that exudes and embodies “yes.”

It’s not overnight and chances are if you’re reading this- you’re probably somewhere along this journey, too. 

I hope this provides you insight, expanded perception, comfort or resonance in some way and I send you my most heartfelt encouragement and excitement for all the beautiful things that will come to you along the way. 

Thank you, from the depths of my heart for being alongside me on this journey through life, whoever you are- through reading my words and imagining all the colors and shapes within them.

I encourage you to come back as often as you need- both to art that resonates and a connection with yourself that runs deeper than we’ll ever fully know or understand.

And please don’t hesitate to join the growing  community of self-healers on this collective journey through liberation.