January 10th, 2022

I’m drinking coffee with Jessica Amos and friends on a Monday morning during her Open Hearts Club on Insight Timer, after a coral pink sunrise over the kitchen window where I made a nourishing meal.

Jessica shares an immersive experience, pouring jewels of wisdom to be received. I jot them down, scattering the page:

“You’ll know they’re true because they’ll be simple.” “They” being the subtle cues and intuition our heart, body, and being offers when listened to.

“Forgiveness isn’t really forgiveness.” I’m not sure than I can explain just how expansive this one quote is in an eloquent way. It will be easier once I follow with:

“It is innocent.”

Imagine everyone and everything you ever had to forgive. This is something ingrained in us since early youth- this cycle of forgiveness. We are taught by our primary teachers and instructed to do so by our parents to our siblings when we’ve triggered them in some way. Now, I have nothing against forgiveness, but what if we viewed everything we’ve forgiven as innocent? Would it be forgiveness, still? If we understood that we’re not being attacked or hurt so much as being a reflection of another’s inner wounds. Would we not have more empathy than anger? Someone can “love you” but not love themselves and I promise you it won’t feel like love.

Because we can only love those in our lives as much as we love ourselves- the hurt and forgiveness cycle is pretty perpetual.

But what if we all spent time in introspection?

Questioning, meeting, getting to know our inner selves-

Practicing forgiveness there.

Would we not eventually realize there is nothing to forgive? We are all soft glory within. We are the light of creation with hearts made for love and compassion. We are all the same, really. It’s just whether we realize it that separates us.

So off you go forgiveness, it’s time to revel in the innocence of humanity. Of the traffic. Of a rainy day. Nothing chooses to be. It simply just is. Just as we all are.

Jessica imparted another jewel that was an incredibly approachable and relatable take on the ego. “The ego is that one friend you don’t bring out.” We have all, at some point, had that ridiculous friend. Or been that ridiculous friend. The incredibly fun-loving, fiery, unapologetic friend who will stand on tables singing your praises. The friend who will not hesitate to get into a bar fight if anyone even LOOKS at you. That is ego. Ego is not our enemy but our incredibly exuberant friend. Our loyal comrade. Ego was never meant to be in charge, just as that friend was never. Would you let that friend drive? No. Have we all at some point? Absolutely. And it went exactly how you would expect. Bar fights, blunders, painful lessons, bumped knees, lost licenses, scathed dignity, shall I continue? Ego cannot be all. It will exhaust. It will tantrum. It will cry out at everything. But it’s innocent. Every part of us, every part of you, is innocent. Every part of you is grace, so allow it for your ego… By keeping it in check. That’s what that friend needs. And what higher form of love is there than doing what one needs to thrive?

The thing that humbles me most, beyond the intricate lessons and heart-filling connection, is the synchronicity of it all. I can’t help but sit in awe every single Monday morning, taking it all in. Breathing it all in. The morning glows wherever I look or whatever I do. Then my days begin to. Then my evenings and nights. Everything glows a little more lately; Since I found this path I’ve been on, the one with meditations and curiosity and introspection more than anything else. Monday mornings have been my religion- sacred moments of hot coffee and connection that pour into the next. The week follows to be filled with all of the prayers I have poured into myself during our gentle mass; Prayers to the mailman, the neighbor, the leaky faucet, the worn out shoe. Prayers for me. Prayers for you. I fill my heart with Monday. I become Monday for all to share in. It’s more than sitting in for a meditation for me. It’s more than a live stream. It’s an integrative, immersive, and deeply nourishing experience. The meditation always seems to find what I need before I even do. Our discussions are an answer to questions I had spontaneously pondered to myself just days before. Where I notice jags in my sleep, spikes in my energy, heaviness in my heart, others have too. We do not realize how deeply connected we are in this human experience until we simply connect in this human experience. Simple.

So I encourage you to sit and breathe, and think of a moment where you felt deeply connected. Feel that feeling. Immerse yourself in it fully, as often as you can remember to. And do the thing. Do whatever makes you feel connected and alive, and do it the most. Because I have a hunch it is not rest we need as much as real lifeforce energy only summoned through deep soulful connection. To self, to life, to another. Fill your heart and glow- softly, openly, and infinitely.