The process is beautiful.

But the day to day within it is not.

It’s a mix of absolutely everything and all the duality of life and there’s no avoiding it- nor should we seek to.

Instead, we build a deep connection to self and a strong inner knowing of who we are, and our inherent resilience and ability.

The body is wired for survival and what is often perceived as weakness, failure, or illness is actually intelligence.

There are no mistakes or imperfections.

The body adapts to everything it is given. And when the soul that encompasses it is in alignment- the unavoidable power, strength, and brilliance of the two are not overshadowed by adaptations.

Life is edgy. Healing is edgy. It’s not always going to make sense. Coming to a place where we both see this, experience it without avoiding it, and still pursue greatness within it- is the ultimate empowerment.

Who said life was going to be easy?

It’s going to be fun. I promise you that. But not all the time.

Find whatever it is for you that you want to show up for no matter what. For me- it’s this.

I write every single day and have been writing my whole life. It didn’t even occur to me to create a blog or a concept around my writing for so long because it was so under my nose. The best things always are.

And now, I get excited that all of my hard earned wisdom and introspection has somewhere to go- like a little museum of me and my journey. Seeing it in front of me- real and in existence is an incredible feeling. It may seem small but the act itself shows that anything can really be done if we attend to it; taking one step at a time until a vision or an idea has come into the real and tangible world.

I wonder how many people out there have idea after idea and vision after vision and they say, “one day.”

It seems to me that “one day” never comes as I watched my own dreams morph and transform with the passing of experience and age.

The girl who moved to Vancouver with a silent dream of being a poet, lyricist, and producer fell into the shadow of developing, or discovering, pretty severe C-PTSD.

The fire of the girl who dreamed of wearing unapologetically stylish clothes and dancing in the street in front of walls of graffiti was accidentally smoldered when putting out fires of family, physical, and sexual trauma, abandonment and processing without tools or support.

My dreams still live- I found them again and resurrected them in loving and learning to never leave myself relentlessly through all the bullshit. I revived myself and my many, many visions.

But they look different, and so do I.

Now I still see poetry, music, and unapologetic authenticity. But it is from a woman who is so much wiser and aware.

A woman whose vision and reason in creating art is of the whole world living without the very shame that brutalized her own potential and ability for years.

Shame is useless and has no place here. Neither does invalidation. These were the things used against me in the adaptations of the people I loved- for so long that I couldn’t see what way was up anymore.

I slowly learned how to come home to myself again after long and painful days and nights away surviving harsh winds I probably could have crouched below.

I did not know.

But in learning things the hardest way- I’ve built an unbreakable foundation and connection in myself that can weather anything. I have also learned that it does not always need to be torrential rain and storms.

We can simply choose not to participate in anything that takes us back down the winding chute of shame, fear and invalidation.

Instead, we can choose to experience the empowering and transformative discomfort of self-improvement, instead. And of living fully.

Climbing mountains, trees, and wading ice cold streams.

The only challenges I assign myself to now are those of making a vision a reality, how deeply can I feel, how greatly can I expand and how massively can I open my heart to love?

Can I live with arms, eyes, and heart wide open, in reckless and fruitful surrender, no matter what occurs?

Can I live boldly in my fiercest form of self-expression and birth every dream into a place in which I can welcome, warm and console the hearts of so many others?

Can I celebrate this life as often as I can by moving my body to it’s limits and meeting myself there?

Can I show up for myself relentlessly, especially when it’s hard?

Can I sit here and write every single day?

I think I can.