I dream of a life of art.

Everywhere I look- colors like bright turquoises and fuchsias, mountain tops and endless valleys.

To live by the ocean- waking up and swimming alongside sunrise.

Sitting on my extended patio with coffee. Writing words that resonate in a massive community of like minded souls.

I dream of going to dance, group yoga sessions and volleyball on the beach.

I dream of speaking Spanish.

I also dream of city streets, lights, and live jazz music tucked away somewhere in the middle of it all.

I dream of being surrounded by books- both non fiction and fiction, surrounded by earth tones and expansive spaces to stretch, sleep and play by a window that sees the city beneath it.

Maybe my ego longs for the city and my heart longs for the ocean and that’s how I find myself in my current predicament- living in Vancouver, BC, where there’s a bit of both.

But it’s neutrality in not fully being beach town nor a hustling city like NY is what makes it too survivable. It doesn’t seem to scare off the people who haven’t been coerced into being more aware by survivals’ demands or withstanding significant trauma. In fact, they sort of thrive here, living on family money or privilege- participating in the unannounced fashion shows and designer drag races late into the night off the Oak street bridge.

I live on the edge of the city, as it’s witness and gentle participant. I cycle the streets, trails and swim the beaches. I don’t do as much as I used to or engage with the density within the general population so the idea of a full day serving tables and a full night out makes me physically nauseous now.

But I’m glad I did things when I did them. Now I want to return those rooms and provide more. I want to bring as many of my dreams to life as possible. I’m learning more and more each day how to break the overwhelming vastness of the possibility in my life into smaller and more approachable sections.

I’m bringing each piece of the constellation down to meet me. Even if it feels wildly impossible. Especially if it feels wildly impossible.

I see now how each next step appears as if from magic when we step to take it.

So I embrace the duality of my dreams- the expansiveness of my many visions- knowing that ultimately I will thrive wherever I end up.

And there’s nothing I trust more than life itself to lead me.