Usually the idea of leaning on my parents financially strikes a match over anxiety’s gasoline and I lose my ability to unclench until the situation changes. It has been one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life.
Years later, beyond the times where I had very little choice but to accept financial support quite heavily- having occasional dips has lead me to the same rush and pull of dread and emotion.
But today- in the least financially lucrative place I’ve been- starting a business, living minimally, looking at season’s passes for the mountain- I’m the most filled with trust and content as I’ve ever been. I caught myself saying to myself how glorious life is. With no plan for any sudden and grand pay cheques to suddenly appear in front of me, I’m lead to believe that limiting beliefs and patterns about money are the main driver of woe.
The money not in front of us doesn’t kill us or hurt us. It’s neutral, really. It’s not a hole or an empty pit filled with fire. It’s just a space. It’s space to put money, or things of other value, if we need to. If it is too heavy for us to carry all at once.
But whether our hands are full of whatever we think we need or not- whether that’s fistfuls of hundreds or super specific automobiles- we are still supported by life.
With money or not, we are still like an orb of glowing light- unable to dim or extinguish.
We are super charged. We are energetically seen, fueled, connected and cared for.
If money is also a thing on this Earth- it is not absent from these laws as well.
I can pull it in through engaging my light more.
By pursuing service that comes from me- not my fear of what will be if I don’t.
I know a full bank account means little in the way of security because I’ve been there before. There was an entire scarcity and lack mindset spreading through my subconscious- bleeding into my experiences slowly, asking “face me” until it did not ask anymore and I was on the floor. It doesn’t matter how much you make or save or what contracts you sign as long as you fear money- life without it, will you hold it tight enough or spread it into enough investments, will it be enough, always wondering if there’s enough.
Then the new version of everything sits on display before us. What was enough is never enough when keeping up with the shiniest version of everything.
But these worries and woes, constraints and desires to purchase things don’t follow me into an ocean. They don’t sit with me in the trees. They don’t burst morning light over the tops of every building in my sight.
Now I’ve realized the level of deep love connection and touch I have to nature love and Creation wields a strong power and alchemy and this realization was long awaited by the rest of my breakthroughs.
Money is no different.
It’s on the same wave of life, moving by golden light and subconscious perception.
It has nothing to do with money.
Money has nothing to do with money.
It seems abstract at first-following deep generational indoctrination and fear of never having enough.
But now it fits just right in my mind and I feel the hum of my cells, creating energy in approval.
Money has nothing to do with money.
Not being worthy enough of it ridiculous. That’s like saying you have to pay to create energy- while your body is already creating it. It’s not outside of you. It’s from the same light that makes you- and everything.